South Bethany, DE – June 2, 2013
Virginia lasted seven days. Maryland three. Delaware will disappear in two. After a week in New Jersey, I’ll stare at New York and the Hudson River. States are falling like dominoes. I feel the momentum, the end of saltwater waiting on the horizon. It’s there, close, just within reach.
That is what I tell myself because I’m tired of salt and sand, tired of tides and waves. I feel it in my body, in my broken skin, in the way days melt together along the edges. Even my words feel dull. I don’t know how to talk about waves anymore or tide or salt. Sentences look stale as soon as they’re written. I erase them, type them out again, flip the words around, and they still don’t pop.
I close my eyes and drift to sleep with half-written paragraphs. I wake up and put it off until tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow, always tomorrow, because I need the world to change, to shift again, to make it easy for me to see new things. I hate myself for it because I know it’s my fault. I know that 2,500 miles of salt is a poor excuse for dull perception. The world is always interesting if you aren’t too tired to see it.
But change is coming, change is waiting just within reach, two states away on the Hudson River.
Are your eyes tired too? Here’s something you can listen to instead! I met Paul in Minneapolis and was thrilled to talk about the trip on his podcast, The Pursuit Zone. I remember talking to him from the water while noseeums attacked me. If I sound muffled, it’s because I had a bandanna wrapped around my face to keep them off me. Totally worth it though! Here’s a link to the podcast. And if you’re bored with me, check out some of the other neat stories he’s put together.